And what a few days it’s been.
I moved to a new hostel on Thursday, and finally the lingering became clear.
15:10
The second hostel instantly felt more alive, more connected, more exactly where I needed to be. I met some souls on a similar path to mine and started to reconnect to the deeper energy of traveling. The one that caused me to understand. The one that I truly don’t believe is reachable outside of places like this with people like that.
A guy named Farhad was checking in at the same time as me, and instantly I felt a pull to him. Our paths continued crossing at the hostel and outside it, until we met yesterday at the end of the road, in a town called Manzanilla. We ended up biking back together, stopping for a late lunch and musing on life and travels. He gave me the contact information for a small ayahuasca center on the other side of the country, and I’m hoping to be able to do a ceremony there next Saturday. If it doesn’t work out, then so be it. But right now it feels as though all of the happenstance was leading to that meeting and connection.
I think it finally feels like it’s okay to move on from this place. Yes, there are more jungles I could wander and dinners I could have, but it seems now like my purpose in being here has been served.
That, and if I don’t make moves tomorrow, I’ll likely have to stay until Wednesday and that feels entirely too long.
so much is topical
i need to detach from my phone
i think i’ll take the noon bus tomorrow. even if it moves at a glacial pace, there’s so much beauty in the transition. and it will give me the morning to say goodbye.
20:30
just took some pictures of myself to compare to how i looked when i first arrived… and i’m a bit panicked over it, if i’m honest with myself.
I obviously knew foregoing the Whole30 and IF and drinking again would probably prevent me from losing weight… but it looks like I’ve gained 10 pounds in a week. I’m trying to just accept and internalize this as the physical representation of what I’ve been understanding more and more… that what I put into my body matters on every level. That healing it and allowing myself to be nourished and not bogged down with trash is what matters.
I think I’m going to fast tomorrow and then gear myself back towards almost a complete Whole30 regimen. No gluten or alcohol, at the very least. Maybe I’ll allow space for legumes. But I think most rice is off the table too.
22:39
i’d been orienting my next moves based on the advice of Farhad. He’d suggested the Ayahuasca retreat, but also suggested a place called Drake Bay. Somewhere near impossible to get to, but so wonderful, he’d lingered days longer than expected.